You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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