everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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