What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
