Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
