the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
