a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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