shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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