I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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