I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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