Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
