omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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