I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm both gender and math confused
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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