someone threw a dead crab at me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
