They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
