i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
