I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
