so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
