I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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