You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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