it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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