i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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