Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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