You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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