do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
