I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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