you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
