I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
