You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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