ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
