Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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