Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
