so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
