the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
