Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
