Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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