Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
