Sry I called you an 8
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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