mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
