I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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