he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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