just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
