One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
