Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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