He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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