She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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