tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
