So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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