dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
