She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
