I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
