$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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