I showed him my bush... on skype.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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