I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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