would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
FUCK WHALES
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
