I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
