so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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