So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
