Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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