This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
