Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
