i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
