my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
