come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
