Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
