This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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