i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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