my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
