she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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