So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
