just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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