I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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