there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
God, I missed his penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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