Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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