I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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