ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
