Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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